Reading to Write

“What have you read that is like what you’re trying to write?” is a central question in Katie Wood Ray’s Study Driven: A Framework for Planning Units of Study in the Writing Workshop. Her question struck me on a personal level. A few years ago, I decided to write a personal essay about my mom’s passing. I made some progress: I brainstormed some ideas and purchased The Art of the Personal Essay: An Anthology from the Classical Era to the Present from Amazon. The book is daunting, 770 pages of personal essays. The book sat on my bookshelf for a year, and writing a personal essay didn’t cross my mind again until the ISI.

I just pulled the anthology off the shelf as I did with Penny Kittle’s book Write Beside Them (see my previous post). I truly believe that writing everyday and seeing myself as “a person who writes” has reignited my desire to work on my personal essay.

I am approaching the essays in the anthology with Wood’s question at the forefront of my mind. The anthologist Phillip Lopate has divided the book into themes and forms, such as solitude, reading and writing, analytic meditation, memoir, etc. I do not have time to read all of the essays, but here are a few titles that I intend to read as I prepare to write my own essay:

This Too Is Life, by Lu Hsun

Notes of a Native Son, by James Baldwin

The Knife, by Richard Selzer

How I Started to Write, by Carlos Fuentes

I am a writer...kinda.

So as I look back on the past three weeks, I could not be more grateful for the NVWP.  I can honestly say that I was reluctant to begin, and even a little wary as I finished up the first day.  New people, a syllabus, reading, and tons of writing-ahhhhhh!  For 13 years I have taught writing to over a thousand students.  Not until recently did I start writing with them, and never once have I considered myself a writer.  Which is truly strange because I wrote all of the time when I was younger.  I wrote books, poems, and songs.  I wrote for the paper in high school and in college.  And oddly enough, when I became a teacher I stopped writing (mainly because I did not feel like I had time).    The NVWP helped me create time for my writing.  It provided me with an outlet, a comfortable platform to test the writing waters again.  I mean, I can’t just jump off the high dive into 12 feet right away, right?  This past year has been the hardest year for me, and through the writing I have done in the past three weeks I have been able to let go of a lot of anger and frustration.  And for that, I am eternally grateful.  So thank you NVWP,  I can officially call myself a writer...kinda.

Writing to Find Inner Peace

Before the ISI I never really thought of myself as I writer, or as someone could write for myself. Through my writing group, the writing marathon, and the Progoff lesson I saw how cathartic writing could be.  Then last weekend something happened to my husband.  He was frustrated and hurt, but was livid.  I kept trying to be there to support him, but was being distracted by own anger.  I'd never tried to use writing to move past something before, but I tried it Monday afternoon and it really worked!  I was able to let go of my anger, and laugh about the situation.

This is poem that allowed that to happen:

Human Centipede

Disclaimer:  This poem contains graphic and grotesque imagery (at least I hope it does).  You may not wish to read further if you are about to eat or are prone to an unsettled stomach.

The wench controls the swarm

They trail behind, sutured mouth-to-rectum down the line

She feeds them her plots and designs

Each one gobbles them up as it passes through

Her anis opens to deficate into their waiting mouths

The wench controls the swarm

They are her puppets to command

She manipulates their actions

Each forfeits reason and judgement

As they feast on her excrement

The wench controls the swarm

They devour the kindness of the man I love

She wants them to

Each one ravenously gorgeing

His trust, his benevolence, they turn to manure

The wench controls the swarm

I should have seen

I know women are mean

I should have protected my love

The wench controls the swarm

Men think they are smart

To women, manipulation is art

They turned friends into feces

A plentitude of Aha moments

The second week of the NVWP ISI provided me plenty of Aha! moments.  The first moment came with Katie’s free verse exercise.  Although designed for middle school students, I immediately saw the application to my 11^th grade AP Language and Composition class. I expect my students to have some experience with close reading but they often are at a loss when I mention that we are going to perform a close reading of a short non-fiction passage.  I plan to adapt Katie’s lesson to non-fiction to give my students another way of analyzing the rhetoric of a selection, something with which they struggle mightily and rarely succeed.  The critical aspect of Katie’s presentation for me was the fact that she provided a guided investigation of specific elements of the text.  Rather than expecting my students to discover on their own the way the author makes meaning, I can scaffold the idea by helping them look for certain elements to give them the idea.  I have used lessons from the AP Lang textbook but Katie’s lesson was more accessible.  Cool!

Aha 2- Amy W.’s research lesson offered engaging ways of helping my 10^th and 11^th graders understand the research process and argument development.  I especially thought the dueling positions scenario will be effective in class because it allows students to connect the opposing viewpoints with an image.

 

Aha 3-I have not stopped using strong verbs since Janique’s demo.  To my freshman and sophomores, get strong!  Out goes my pre-AP workbook lesson and in with Janique’s. 

Aha 4- John’s magnum opus lesson on description will be the perfect accompaniment to our reading of Lord of the Flies. 

I enjoyed the intense, and for some, emotional two days of self-discovery and writing during the Writing Marathon and the Progoff Journaling presentation. 

Aha’s 5 and 6- One unexpected outcome from my visit to Winchester was the chance to share with teachers from other districts their experience with and approach to teaching writing.  It helped me broaden my and develop of feeling for a broader community of teachers.  The read around highlighted some talented writers and gave me an insight into what my students must feel as they read aloud in class. 

Aha’s 7 and 8- I learned about not only myself but also some excellent methods to use with my students.  When I teach To Kill a Mockingbird, creating a dialogue with Jem, Scout, Atticus or Tom Robinson will be a new assignment for my students.  Regardless of what Pete says, I think journaling provides an abundance of ways to discover topics to explore further in non-fiction and fiction pieces along with the tools to help develop better writers. 

Aha 9-Can we have a presentation on non-fiction publishing? Amber started one-can we have another?

Supreme Aha- My writing group continues to help me discover new elements of my writing and ways to improve my student’s writing groups. Thank you for listening so many times to The Talisman. And thank you for the poetry and stories I have heard from you!  What a great writing group!

Peter's Statement of Inquiry

Intro:
If everything is an emergency, nothing is. Of all the pithy witticisms bestowed upon me by my previous head of school, this one continues to hold significance for me. Especially when I think about teaching, reading, and writing. A snapshot into my brain would reveal two hemispheres alight in near-constant 911 calls and emergency fires: grades, RTI, parent-teacher conferences, constructivist methods of behavior modification, the 20th century, No Child Left Behind/A Race to the Top, writing, reading, PISA scores, NAEP scores, Lawrence Baines, SRI, Lexile levels, privatized reform, Paul Thomas, authentic assessments, using technology, etc. There is certainly nothing extraordinary or exceptional about this. Teachers are constantly juggling multiple (and often competing) demands from various public/personal realms. What follows is a statement of where I am as of this day.

Where I've been:
Anyone who has been within earshot of me at pretty much any point during the last couple of weeks is at least somewhat familiar with where I've been as a teacher. Started out in a data-centric charter school teaching test strategies to a 100% free and reduced lunch population. I taught reading and writing in test-prep formats. I did it a few years and loved it for a few years. I'm not sure 'love' is really the right word. But for reasons best explored elsewhere, the school provided me the structure and discipline I needed at the time.

I changed positions to Arlington County and started on a new path of self-discovery and transformation. My teaching philosophy slid from hardcore behaviorism to constructivism. I did away with grades, alienating myself from my colleagues and some of my students in the process. I felt like I had lost myself. I needed something to grasp onto. Some sort of philosophical or methodological rock that wouldn't disappear at the first sign of a new idea.
I've spent the last 9 months reading education history and pedagogical theory attempting to ground myself in the facts. To elevate my mood by immersing myself in the history of the profession. If only I read enough John Dewey, or learned more about the history of education reform, maybe only then would I know who I was and how I should proceed. Except, frustratingly, it hasn't worked out that way. 

Instead, the more I read, the more I write, the less I seem to know.

Where I am now:
In many ways I feel like I've created a sort of pedagogical Frankenstein. An amalgamation of specific viewpoints and reactionary politics repellant to most teachers I engage with. I don't like grades. I don't like measurement. I don't like testing. I'm coming to realize that I don't possess the skills or understanding to understand, much less convey, the nuanced complexity behind everything. Instead, I seemed to have gravitated only towards the most reactionary of viewpoints. Part of me thinks this is normal. That I have to work my way through these understandings. That I can't rush my personal journey back to myself. So now I'm desperately trying to find my place as an educator. 

Where I want to go:
I want my teaching to mirror my ethics. I want my students to use writing as a tool for understanding themselves, literature, and the world around them. I want to engage my students' families and to help them understand that my class is not a class focused on measurement or numbers or letters. 

How I'll get there:
I'm still working on this part.

I Am a Writer (and Poet)

This weekend, I did something that I have never done before: I bought a book to help me develop my own skills as a writer – a poet, to be more exact. While the ease of Amazon makes purchasing books an almost mindless task, this particular purchase felt more important, more powerful. This purchase marked a milestone in my journey toward accepting and embracing my newfound identity as a writer and poet.

I’ve always been fascinated by poetry. As a student, I have often found myself captivated by the discussions sprouted from a great work of poetry. In a recent graduate course, my classmates and I read and discussed Keats’ “Ode on a Grecian Urn” for over an hour. While some might find this cringe worthy, I was completely spellbound, not only by the poem itself, but even more so by the thoughtful interpretations shared by my professor and classmates. There seemed to be an infinite amount of metaphor and meaning etched between the words of the poem that I was itching to discover for myself.

As a teacher, I incorporate poetry into my practice whenever possible. I have found it to be a powerful tool for inciting growth both intellectually and emotionally in my middle school students. Discussing poetry has provoked conversations and considerations beyond what I thought middle schoolers to be capable of. It provides endless opportunities for discussion in terms of author’s craft and often stimulates similar creativity in my students’ own writing. There seems to be something powerful lurking in this genre that stirs my students from within.

It is perhaps because of this fascination that I am also terrified of poetry. I have such great admiration for poets that I feel it is a genre I am unworthy of participating in. This, of course, completely contradicts what I tell my students: that everyone can - and should - write poetry. While I honestly believe this to be true, my insecurities as a writer lead me to believe that I am incapable of writing something worthwhile. Yes, I can write an overly simplified poem to share with middle school students, but I could never write “real” poetry. I will never be a Keats. Or at least that’s what I have been telling myself for a long time.

Participating in the ISI has shown me that this may not be true after all. Taking time to write for myself, sharing my writing with peers, and simply identifying myself as a writer has reignited my desire to write poetry, and this time, I feel determined to do so. Instead of running away from my fears and insecurities as I have in the past, I did what I felt to be the most logical next step: I bought a book. And while that may seem inconsequential, I truly feel that this tangible acknowledgement of my identity as a writer signals a turning point for me. I am a writer and sometimes writers need help. So I bought a book. And I’m going to write poetry. Somehow this daunting mission no longer feels impossible.

The Weekly Word Vomit AKA Brain Dump of The First Four Days

Well, I made it through the first week and I like the space, the faces, and the ideas at NVWP ISI 2015.

From the four writing domains, I chose Writing for Self. It is the easiest for me, and I want to reflect on all we have done the first week.

I like this type of environment...not all the way organized, but there is at least someone (Amber) keeping an eye on the clock so that we meet our Daily Purpose. These opportunities to be in the same room with other teachers can become a disaster of discussion and no focus. We all love to talk about teaching...and to be able to talk about writing with 16 other teachers of writing is just delicious.

The first day was the first time I have ever read my writing out loud to teachers and gotten feedback. I wasn't nervous about the writing, just the way I deliver the content. I tend to swear. It throws some people off. The most important thing I learned is that the Writing Group can be any writing I want it to be. ANYTHING. The possibilities are endless. What will I write, for my work, or myself. I have been doing a lot of writing for work...it would be nice...

Tuesday started better, and continued on the UP trajectory. We got to experience the first two demonstration lessons. I HATE "teaching" peers, so that is the least exciting thing about the NVWP ISI 2015 for me. I guess practice makes perfect, so I need to live through it. I am so glad Joe and Maggie were first! I loved Joe's low key approach. It was a nice opener. It got us discussing writing. I was able to see what I actually do and what I tell my kids to do are drastically different in the writing process. I tell them what I think I am supposed to tell them, not what I really do. It was like a punch to the gut. I have to stop regurgitating the linear process I memorized (but didn't follow) in middle school and give my students options to personalize the process for them. WOW! Personalize the writing process? Who would have thought THAT?!? Then, Maggie floors us with a glimpse into her classroom. (I think that is going to be the best part, getting to see people's classrooms through their demonstration lessons...) I am totally stealing her idea too! I have heard of writing territories in the past, and even think I got a list in one of my undergrad classes. I have not seen it adapted for students to connect to the words. The heart map, the dislike sign, the wondering question mark, even the hand trace for 5 emotions. I am doing it all exactly the way she did at the beginning of the year so students can have something to go to for stamina writings (the first 4 minutes of class is just like the morning pages in my classroom.) I used to have a prompt which connected to the lesson, and even had kids share out, but I think I am changing that. Just write as much as you can in the 4 minutes, use your writing territory, and get it out. Then, we met our reading groups. I am in the theory group. I think it will be nice to have the one focus for the reading group. It is like I am doing research for a research paper, and I don't have to write the paper. Bonus!

Wednesday was great! I got to eat chocolate and describe things like I haven't since I was in school...#forgottenlessons. I will totally use this in my Journalism class as well. Perfect! I even got to sit in the cool and calm of early childhood illustrations. I liked my time in "April's classrooom." I can't believe I have never heard of the madman, carpenter, architect, judge. I will probably build my entire school year around this concept! (Q1=madman, Q2= architect, Q3=carpenter, Q4=judge) WOAH! Thanks, Sarah!

Thursday. The final day of the first week. OK. Last night, I had to make myself sit at the table outside of the classroom for 2 hours before I could bring myself to stop the thought parade going through my head and just write something I want to write for the public. I haven't written something like that in so long. I could feel the rust flaking off that side of my brain while I tried to create a piece worthy to share in writing group. I made it, but it took some major grinding of the gears. Before the share outs, we got to see Gaby's classroom and what she gives to her kids every day. I want to be her student. So BAD! The smells, lighting, and gentle tone would make me feel more at home than anything I can think of in elementary school. She would be the cool teacher everyone wants to hang with at lunch. Then, Amy L. goes up front. Wow! The caliber of teacher we have in this writing group is amazing! We get to see a glimpse into her classroom as well. After lunch, we have writing group. I share my piece and get some really helpful feedback. Asking me WHO I am writing for. I need to think about that before I continue writing. Interesting writing group. Amy L was a shock because she wrote in a stuffed mouse voice and came up with a lovely Christopher Robin-esque tale. Gaby, Diane, and Peter also had completely different things to share. It was just nice being in a writing group. #newexperiences

Can't wait to see what I get to write about next Friday!

X Marks the Spot!

I have a collection of moleskines.  I have one in my purse, another in my schoolbag, a different one on my night table.  They are all black.  I have large ones and small ones.  Hardback and paperback.  Some with lined pages and some without.  And I use them every day.  All day.  In the morning when I first wake up.  At traffic lights while commuting here and there.  At the kitchen table.  And a bunch of other places.  I use them to jot down ideas, notes, quotes, doodles, moments, to do lists, and important reminders.   Buried between the lines are future verses for poems, plot summaries of short stories waiting to be written, chapter sketches for that novel I was supposed to finish three years ago, lesson plans, and unusual classroom activities that I hope will someday engage my students and spark their interests.  Last week was the beginning of the 2015 Northern Virginia Writing Project’s Invitational Summer Institute and I finally got to dig through the pages of my moleskines, find buried treasures, and write.

Who needs A Fountain of Youth? All you need is the NVWP ISI!

Who needs A Fountain of Youth? All you need is the NVWP ISI!

Enthusiasm, passion, and fun are all words that come to mind when thinking about the first week of the NVWP Summer Institute.  It started out with so many new ideas to explore and people to talk to and it just kept on getting better.  I have not written so much, so quickly in different genres in years.

 I did not know what I would write about during Morning Pages but that blank page is not attractive and, after some tentative scribbling, I quickly filled it up. Writing during Morning Pages made me feel like I was a boy again, just writing for the fun of it. I had forgotten the experience of just writing, of what it was like to write about what I wanted to write and not for someone else, whether they are student, fellow teacher or administrator.  Morning Pages was like a Fountain of Youth, taking me back to the days when I was just a little kid with a big yellow note pad, a pencil and all morning to fill it up. 

Then there were the demonstration lessons. I learned new ways of brainstorming from Maggie and writing descriptions from Janice Jewell. With a nod to Stanley Kubrick and Dr. Strangelove, I learned to stop worrying and love illustration during April Sommers’ presentation.  Gabbie showed me how I could use some of the techniques she employs with her ESOL students with my struggling 11^th graders. Amy’s lesson even helped me understand better the struggles of my wife, who moved frequently during her childhood.  Last but not least, Sarah’s lesson not only gave me plenty of ideas to use as I teach process but the idea for a yearlong study of the effectiveness of teaching strategy and process in improving the writing of  adolescents. 

What a week!  I even started writing something I had wanted to for years.  And, where else do you have a chance to read the first draft of a short story by Mark Farrington?

4 days later...

Wow.
Week one Summer Institute
done and gone.
Such an intense,
compelling experience.
Me.
Demo lesson. Day 2.
First time (for everything)
I have ever presented as a teacher
to other
teachers (people like me)
I hit it out of the park
Now,
How to perfect my swing?

Interacting with others
Full of
Passion
Dedication
to writing,
Learning
Their STUDENTS
A waterfall of
Encouragement////acknowledgement

What I mean by that IS
I don't feel alone anymore.

I have many wonderful colleagues
at my school.
I promise.
But.
Not many of them have the same fire and excitement 
that I do.

Everyone
in that tiny conference room
at George Mason does.

Writing when (and what) you don't have to write

We all have things we have to write – lesson plans, emails, grocery lists, and lots more. I’m curious about what you write when you don’t have to write something specific (or for a specific purpose). To me, this is sort of what “writing for self” might be all about: those things we choose to write when no other people or circumstances are forcing us to write anything at all. What do you write when you write for yourself? Or, perhaps you’re so busy you haven’t had much chance to do this kind of writing. If that’s the case, what might you want to write, if you did have the time?

                                                                                                                                  Mark