Reflecting back on Week 2, Looking forward to week 3

(Note: This is about the second week, written after the third week using earlier notes.)

Amy Langrehr

Writer

As I look back at this week, I am thinking about the term “writer.” At our Winchester writing marathon, we were told to call ourselves writers, and some struggled to do so. We often feel as though we have to earn the title. We strugglewith the little voice telling us we aren’t good enough.

Then, a speaker defined a professional writer as someone who writes always and only for publication. An amateur, he says, writes in journals, writes for the self, and/or writes for a writing group. I thought, “talk to me about being a writer.” Publication is one outcome of being a writer. The distinction between a professional and amateur writer felt false.  

For myself, I’ve decided the more I write, the more I am a writer. Period. But more on that later. I’m working on an essay about it with my writing group.

Progoff

In other news, Progoff… *phew*. Wow. I’m a touchy-feely introspective person. On the multiple intelligences tests, I always score through the roof high on the intrapersonal intelligence, and tied for second place (and a significant chunk behind) comes the interpersonal and verbal intelligences. I thought I’d done a lot of processing, and I have. But something popped up in the middle of my stepping stones activity, punched me in the gut, and left me struggling for a couple days.

On the one hand, I felt like my 37 year old self seeing my adolescent  self in a new perspective-- validating, maybe forgiving myself, too. On the other hand, I felt like I was 13 again in a lot of ways- a lot of memories came flooding back, and I felt a lot of old (miserable) feelings. I struggled for a couple days, and it wasn’t until I was crying a bit on the way home on Thursday afternoon that it felt a little like old tears again, and not fresh raw 13 year old tears. “Ok,” I thought, “this will fade back into the past again.” Phew.

It was powerful stuff that actually relates to many other pieces I’m working on (from a children’s story about a moose, to a poem about being a frog, to my essay on being a writer, to pieces yet to be born). But I also made a mental note to make sure I give a warning to my students (and school counselors!) before I ever do any such writing in class. I may have felt like a 13 year old, but I do have the resources and experiences of a 37 year old—something my students do not yet have.

Third Week

Finally, we are looking at the beginning of the third week, the junior year [week] of our session.  We aren’t clueless like the freshman. We are more than just a little bit aware of what is going on (way beyond the sophomores who are just beginning to get it). We are deep in our groove, not only practiced but familiar with the rhythm, with each other. And we don’t yet see the end, like the seniors. The third week is the golden hour of the session. The sun holds things in warm nostalgia.

I struggle with the thought of goodbyes.

Shit. Even that has to do with my Progoff writing. Ha!

July 24, 2015

Amy Langrehr

I feel as though I have not been writing much about teaching, only writing.

That frustrates me.

I haven’t been talking about teaching because:

 1. I am unsure about the future. I am in between positions. I will soon be teaching in a new district, in a new school, with new people, new curriculum, new age-group, and a new educational model.

2. Last year was nuts. They changed my schedule several times. I didn’t have one single class from the beginning to the end of the year. It was my first and last year there for several reasons. I white knuckled it. I taught way more internship than I did any English or writing.

3.  My first five years as an educator were teaching in an adult high school program, primarily teaching ESOL level 1 students. Many of the lessons I did there do not seem applicable to the Writing Project. Yes, I know the program is what we teachers make of it, but most of the teachers are traditional secondary English teachers. The two ESOL teachers have various levels of ESOL elementary students. We want to contribute to our field and learn from others in our field; it is difficult to do that when the audience and presenters have a very different teaching context than you.

That does leave me my two years as a high school ESOL 4 teacher with Bryant Alternative High School, which, though not your traditional high school context, is close enough. I had something useful to offer my secondary and ESOL colleagues, even though I felt and feel a bit detached from my demo-lesson. Watching my colleagues’ presentations just makes me sad I won’t be able to use the same rich literature with my third graders that I got to with my kiddos at Bryant.

I wish more elementary school teachers contributed to (and benefited from) this program. I want to celebrate the magnificent things third graders can do, too, even though I’m not quite so sure what those might be yet. Right now I feel as though the teaching portion of the NVWP is like a great celebration of homeowners. Most are talking about the fabulous things they can do with their yurt, and I’m one of a very small minority with an adobe (who, up until recently, was in a yurt herself, and has yet to see her new adobe). I guess the NVWP audience affects the participant’s purpose… (more on audience and purpose later).

Mere Attention

Amber says to pay “mere attention,” and to use our reading group to do so. “Aha!” I think. That is why I’ve been frustrated. I’ve been struggling to find something meaningful to read. I don’t have a thread of an important issue to grab onto, since any debates I’m familiar with are related to past contexts and I have yet to know what I need to know about my new place. Everything else seems theoretical and detached, and frankly, already covered in graduate school. I want the practical and real. What can I research related to me new context? I decide to read some of the information on the school’s website. Some of the school rules are already raising my eyebrows. I also know the school has low science scores and issues related to its bilingual immersion model. Bingo! I will read about bilingual immersion programs and literacy.

Audience

The other word of the week is “audience.” Jenn Orr held up a publication made entirely of student work, and Lauren Jensen taught students to write profiles to honor their interviewees. I thought about our own writing groups coming to an end, wondering if I will write when I don’t have my writing group anymore.  I realized having a group of people with whom to share my work keeps me writing (more so than a due date). I realized how much audience affects a writer’s purpose. (Note to self: students writing to share “publications” with peers is not enough.)

Too much to write!

And, I only have one more week and so much more to write about. And only one more writing group! And I do the ethnography on Monday! Well, I better post this so I can get to my other writing…